Thursday, April 21, 2011

Letting Go

Letting go and learning to give up control is most definitely the HARDEST thing I have ever done and is something I am for sure still learning how to live life without being in control. As if I didn't know already I have definitely learned in the last month or two that I am a HUGE control freak! But there is a small part of me right now that is feeling at ease, peaceful, and so much relief, which I know is such a sign that we are doing the right thing for our lives right now.

Last week when my mom & I went to my first neurologist appointment and he thought everything seemed fine and didn't expect to find anything or to see me back again. But naturally I left his office accepting what he said because he is a smart doctor who knows so much more than I do about the brain. But at the same time I had this small part of me inside that just kept saying this isn't the end, you are going to be back at this office again, and I just didn't feel at ease when I left his office in Brownwood last week. So when I got the call on Tuesday afternoon from his office I was not very surprised. All along before my appointment last week I had been praying so hard that God would give some sign of what we were supposed to be doing as far as moving to Houston at the end of this summer and what HE wanted us to do. I was also praying that God would show me a specific reason either way...whether he wanted us to stay in Abilene or to move to Houston. And it is amazing what truly happens when you pray with your heart's strongest desire.

Throughout the last week it has become increasingly apparent that God wants Jake & I to stay here in Abilene for whatever the reason. I honestly feel like He is using my health issues right now to show us what is important in life and that using all this medical stuff going on right now to say "I want you here!" So we are doing our best to let go and give God all the control because I know what He can do is SO SO beyond my imagination and comprehension. I am learning to praise God even in the midst of stressful and frustrating time because I know He has a plan through all the hard times in my life that is far better than whatever I was trying to plan out.

Always remember Jeremiah is playing on repeat in my brain these days!!

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